memorialisation - Scattering Ashes

Scattering Ashes is the nation’s favourite choice!

Fact: 79% of those wishing to be cremated want their ashes scattered.

Which means about 2/3rds of us in total (80% of people are cremated).

The result of a recent YouGov survey confirmed what we have believed for years, if you want to be cremated then most of you want your ashes to be scattered.

The survey of 1,546 adults did throw up some interesting results, firstly 58% prefer cremation when they die, in comparison with 17% of those who would opt for burial. When in fact around 80% of us end up being cremated. The survey pointed to the fact that the older we got the more we tended to choose cremation. While 42% of 18 to 24-year-olds wish to be cremated, this figure rises to 71% among the over-65s. Their spin on it was “perhaps as our bodies wear out and we no longer idolise the idea of trying to preserve them.” I would tend to think the older we get the more practical we get.

So if 79% want to be cremated what do the others want? 7% want their ashes to be kept after they’ve been cremated. The rest ‘don’t know’

The survey also addressed four other questions relating to death and funerals:

How long do you want to live for?
Are you frightened of death?
Is it appropriate to wear colours at a funeral?
What about a will?

Covering the first two:

Asked how long they would like to live for, at 44% the most popular answer was to be between 81 and 100 years old. The current UK life expectancy is 81, according to data from the World Bank. This age range was the most popular choice across all age groups, with those aged 65 and older being the most keen at 60%.

Only a fraction of people seem to want to live for as long as they possibly can. The highest option – to live to be 110 or older – was chosen by just 14% of people overall and this figure was broadly consistent across all age groups. Men, however, are significantly more likely to choose this option than women, with 19% of men wanting to live to be 110 or older compared to 9% of women.

Despite their desire to live for longer, men are significantly less likely to be scared of death than women, with nearly six in ten (58%) of men saying they were not afraid of death compared to 42% of women. Overall, half of the population say that they are not afraid of death, whilst a third (32%) say that they are and two in ten (19%) don’t know.

Discussing the results with a friend he came up with a rather witty observation: it is not surprising that blokes aren’t as freighted as death as women, apparently they seem to be convinced it’s further off..

Well we know statistically men don’t live as long, but I would imagine culturally it is more difficult for men to say they are frightened. This is a very tangled web to unweave…

So colours at a funeral. Unsurprisingly the newer you are to the game the more reserved you are, younger people felt safer in black where the older you get the less it seemed to matter.

Wearing black is now only seen as a requirement at funerals by 22% of people. Twice as many (45%) think that wearing other colours is ok, so long as they are dark and sombre, whilst another 29% think it is ok to wear any colour clothing to a funeral.

My take on this: colour is not the issue, it is all about thought and effort, I would much prefer to see someone at a funeral in a colourful paisley pattern suit as opposed to black jeans and t-shirt.

The last question was about making a will, we already know this – it is pitifully small -39%, now in a way that is not so bad, in your 20s and 30s it isn’t top priority but nearly half (45%) of people aged between 50 and 64 still don’t have a will! I hear from so many people – I don’t want to be as burden to my family. Yet they don’t make a will, so if you don’t want burden then don’t! [Sorry, I will calm down now]

There was the quite a few comments as there tends to be on this subject, including the ubiquitous – put me in a cardboard box / I don’t care. To the equally essential element of such things – conspiracy and madness: cremation is popular because of imperial propaganda! [Love it!]

My favourite comment is the following, I can’t imagine why 😉

I thought about this many times as to what should happen to my body when I kick the bucket and fall over. I wouldn’t mind cremation, but if I am getting cremated, I am getting cremated in style with one of those Viking ship burials.

The BBC managed to get a quote from Freddie Sayers, editor-in-chief at YouGov: “It’s always interesting to see real numbers about something that people never really talk about.

“I think these figures lift the lid on one of the great taboo subjects.”

Please don’t call it the great taboo it reinforces historic attitudes to this subject. Still, I am very pleased they did it!

https://yougov.co.uk/news/2016/08/16/majority-people-want-be-cremated-when-they-die/

Wondering what to do with his wife’s ashes

The following is a cut and paste from the Saturday Guardian (I am never quite sure if I am allowed to do that, but I have fully referenced it!)

It concerns deliberation from a husband on what to do with his wife’s ashes, it is interesting and moving. It also adds a real voice , which you don’t get to hear very often. Two things strike me the first is that he does not want a connection with the ashes, but accepts that other may. Also that fact that he does not appreciate the funeral director’s approach to arrange the transfer of ashes. Anyway have a read it is well worth it.

Family section: Widower of the Parish

I don’t know what to do with my wife’s ashes

Ideas range from sprinkling them in the garden or at sea, to shooting them skywards in a firework. None feels right for me

The home phone rings and I grit my teeth. For so long the link to loved ones, with the rise of the mobile the landline has instead become the weapon of choice for scammers and “How are you today?” cold-callers.

“Hello, Adam. It’s Carrie,” says a too-friendly female voice. I do a quick mental Rolodex through the Carries I know, drawing a blank but feeling an inexplicably negative association to the name. Perhaps it is an echo of the Sissy Spacek horror flick? Assuming it’s a cold call, my voice hardens. “What do you want?”

Not noting my tone, hers remains unctuous: “I was wondering if you have decided what to do with Helen?”

Physics says you never hear the bullet that hits you, but I hear this one as it tears the breath from me in the shock of hearing Helen referred to in the present tense. “I’m sorry, but my wife died recently,” I stammer.

She takes a moment, computing my confusion. “It’s Carrie from the funeral directors. I wondered when you wanted to collect Helen?”

Her use of the present tense hits me again like a blow to my solar plexus. I fold on to the stairs by the phone. The negative vibes were not Sissy Spacek’s fault. This Carrie is the woman I sat opposite arranging Helen’s transition from loved wife, mother, daughter and sister to “her body”.

“Can I call you back when I’ve decided?” I put the phone down without waiting for an answer. I assume that their £5,000 bill included indefinite storage of a small urn. Carrie’s question should not have been a surprise, but I have buried its coming because of the shocking gap between the vital, ever optimistic and life-affirming force of nature that was Helen and her new status as an urn of ashes. Carrie wants an answer to another bastard question that I never in my life saw being asked.

I turn to the ever friendly folk at Way, the self-help group (Widowed and Young). There, I find every version of my angst and a cornucopia of inspiration. From sprinkling ashes at home, at sea, on a favourite walk, in a garden of remembrance or mounted on the mantelpiece, shot skywards in a firework or fashioned into jewellery. Every option is clearly the right one for those concerned and perhaps wrong for me.

Way’s input also makes me realise that I am not the only stakeholder. Helen’s parents, Barbara and Ray, her sister, Sarah, and the kids need to feel a “rightness” in what we do. The terrible truth is that, to me, the urn and its dark contents are not Helen. She lives in the vibrancy, laughter and love of Millie and Matt and the values she bequeathed them; not as something inert and spent. I don’t need or want her ashes in any way, but for others they may be a necessary lifelong anchor to her memory.

I investigate a memorial in the form of a more traditional grave. I had hoped this might be in the pretty town-centre churchyard where Helen’s funeral service was held, but discover that it is “closed, I’m afraid”. Churchyards close? You keep living and learning on this dark trip.

So I am in a cemetery close by, near a primary school and railway whose presence adds an appealing animation to the scene. Standing with the kind council officer, I’m struck that the next-in-line new grave plots are horrific, with body-shaped piles of earth on the recent burials. Too much for the kids (and me).

Walking into the older section, I see a plot closer to what I had in mind – end of a row, under a tree and by a bench surrounded by mature graves. I’m not hopeful, but ask about its availability. “It would be unusual and normally with tree roots wouldn’t be usable, but you’re putting ashes in so I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

I see again how kind people can be and also how awful every facet of having this conversation is. Nothing is fine. I leave it for now, maybe for months – or ideally for ever – but I also know that every time I walk to the station past the funeral directors where Helen’s remains remain, it chips away another piece of me so I will have to act eventually to stay sane. Just not yet.

Adam Golightly is a pseudonym

@MrAdamGolightly

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/jul/30/i-dont-know-what-to-do-with-my-wifes-ashes?

Do they burn the coffin when you get cremated

Do they burn the coffin when you get cremated?

The question, do coffins get cremated with the body is a frequently asked. To those in the funeral industry this often met with a surprised or bemused look, the answer is: yes, of course.

However the fact the question is asked on such a frequent basis mean that this is not universally known or understood. But why should it be? Most people prefer not to dwell on such issues, why would they?

Apparently there are certain companies in North America that will rent out one of those grand caskets, like the ones you see in the Soprano’s (these are not very common in the UK) and then after the funeral the body is transferred to a more simple coffin for the cremation.

In the UK once the coffin is sealed, that is it. The coffin, the body and anything the person is wearing (including jewellery) will be cremated.

The heat and duration of the process means that the only thing that are left are those that do not combust (burn) – bones and the metal parts e.g. metal nails from the coffin and false hips etc.

The metal parts are removed and in many British crematoria these are now recovered with the proceeds going to good causes. The remainder of the cremated remains, which is the bone matter, is reduced to a granular powder known as ashes. This is what you will receive back from the crematoria or funeral director.

Our advice. Remove jewellery from the deceased, even items such as wedding rings. Whilst you may think that they never took of in life and it should stay with them through the process, it is perhaps better that it is passed on, placed in a memory box or incorporated into another piece of jewellery. Important jewellery is link to a person life and should stay that way.

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Ashes contained inside a marital aid

I kid you not. Now where might a product such as this be produced, come on guess…. The Netherlands, which accordingly to the straweyist of straw-type polls I conducted was the bookies favourite.

I love the Dutch. Not just because of their determination to bring all things back to sex, but in the unflinching way they do it. Honest, matter-of-fact and a prehaps little in your face. Going places that most British and American sensibilities would dare not tread.

This is not, as some corners of the web have reported it, a titillating naff shock tactic, in fact the Dutch designer Mark Sturkenboom has clearly put a lot of thought into this sensual reliquary. Designed so that a female significant other of the deceased can have the full range of memorabilia – his scent, the moment he proposed, his favourite music. And yes it has a dildo that is designed to contain a small amount of ashes.

The memory box is called 21 Grams and is made from hand-sanded wood, painted a pale grey and then locked with a brass key.

When it is unlocked, the box unfolds to contain a small ring holder for a widow’s wedding ring (I thought most people carried on wearing a ring don’t they?), which can be popped open to relive the moment of proposal, a built-in perfume diffuser and a built-in amplifier allows you to use the memory box as an iPhone dock.

The name 21 Grams is interesting, it refers to a piece of research that assessed the weight of someone’s soul, which left the body upon dying (I am not making this up – 20th century physician Dr. Duncan MacDougall). The dildo holds the capacity for 21 grams of ashes.

Sturkenboom says he was inspired to design his memory box after noticing the disconnect between the devoted, loving way an elderly widow of his acquaintance spoke about her dead husband, and the naff urn that stood on the sideboard.

“In that same period I read an article about widows, taboos, sex and intimacy,” Sturkenboom told Dezeen. “Then I thought to myself: ‘Can I combine these themes and make an object that is about love and missing and intimacy?'”

What do I think: well I think it will be a fairly niche market. Sorry! I am British, there has to be an innuendo somewhere in a story like this and if you have read this far hopefully you are not offended!

#jeremyvine #radio2 #21grams #ashes #cremation #sextoy

Cremation beads an idea from South Korea

Times are changing in South Korea and cremation is on the rise, space and cost being two of the main factors. And so are traditions in the way people are memorialising.

One option is to have the cremation ashes turned into beads. I quite like this idea. Instead of an urn filled with ashes or some jewellery containing a little sprinkle you can have all the ashes returned to you in a more aesthetically pleasing bead form.

The company called Bonhyang (Ashes-to-beads) are base in Seoul. The company takes the ashes, cleans them, refines them into a fine powder and then heats them to ultra high temperatures. The process reduces the ashes to a molten state then they the solidify into crystals. On average, the ashes of one body will produce up to 5 cups of beads.

The whole process takes about 90 minutes and costs about US$1,200 (£800).

The founder and owner Mr Bae Jae-yul started the business 13 years and has since served more than a thousand people. “These beads cannot become mouldy, and insects cannot grow in them. You can keep your loved ones in a beautiful and clean state forever and beside you,” said Mr Bae.

He went onto say “There are churches that are using our method now. They lease our machines. And the church turns all ashes into beads and keeps them at its mausoleum,” [I am quite surprised by that, I wonder if this is a translation issue?]

One of Mr Bae Jae-yul’s customers said “They don’t look disgusting. It feels good to see them when I open my eyes in the morning or go to bed. I admit I wasn’t sure at first if this was a good idea. But when I saw the beads I was impressed. They are beautiful, clean and there’s no smell,”. He added that it is comforting to see his mother in this form – like precious stones – rather than ashes.

If anyone brings to process to the UK I will let you know…

Original story http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/asiapacific/ashes-to-beads-south/1329564.html

The changing face of municipal memorialsation

It would seem councils are waking up to the fact that people are general cremated and now that people no longer scatter their loved ones ashes at the crematoria that they may have changing role in relation to public memorialisation.

I came across this from Kelso in Scotland. A councillor has been petitioning Scottish Borders Council for a number of months to provide a memorial garden, permit memorial plaques and allocate space for the ashes of people with connections to the town.

The council binned his idea as there was no ‘compelling business case’ as families take the ashes of their loved ones away and scatter them at a place special to them.

However Mr King told the Southern Reporter* “If more people are being cremated, then some provision like a memorial wall needs to be made. There is a long wall round the cemetery – could plaques not be fixed to that?

“I know relatives often scatter someone’s ashes somewhere special, but there still needs to be a place for a public acknowledgement that this person actually existed.”

Now this is interesting, there clearly is a thought that people will be ‘lost’ if there is no record for posterity – something I have banged on about in the past. Not that I think that you need a memorial in an official place – because the connection is to an environment. For clarity I think it is different to memorial for a cause or event that may have happened many miles away WWII Merchant Navy for example. It seems unlikely to me that a family would memorialise at a wall that had no association with their loved one? I think this is a transitional period society is going through, why would any future generation visit a memorial garden like that?

Imagine if you will..

.‘Aye Billy there’s yer wee Grandpapie he is twenty-seventh from the right and four up’

‘ what his name doing up there Dar?’

‘No idea son just seemed fittin’ you know’

‘Look dar here’s is his memorial page on the web, it has everything from his loves and passions, to his school record’

‘ Aye I know son, but look ye cani argue wi’ a plaque wi’ his name on it…’

Sorry if my attempt at dialect was woeful but you get the point. Yes we absolutely need a record of where people scatter a loved ones ashes, I would argue this should to be paper or electronic and recorded by municipal authority if possible. People trust local authorities with records, I can’t see that changing.

Next time see what they doing in Adelaide…

* Only southern in Scottish terms.

Picture copyright The Southern Reporter

Original Story: http://www.thesouthernreporter.co.uk/news/ashes-plea-repeated-after-fall-in-burials-1-3419212

Britain’s first and only Memorial Reef

For lovers of the sea: Divers, Sailors, Fishermen and anyone one else with a passion for wildlife and the sea. Now there is a new way to have a truly fitting memorial. The first and only Memorial Reef in the UK. Situated off the famous Jurassic coast, near Weymouth in Dorset.

The ashes of a loved one will be held in a ‘Solace Stone’ and will placed on the sea bed to create an artificial reef that with bring sea-life and create a rich and diverse ecosystem.

This is what the company say:

“A permanent living legacy for those who lived by the sea, made a living from the sea or simply just loved the sea.

Either a beautiful memorial where your loved one’s ashes are held, their Solace Stone slides from the deck and falls away to the sea bed. As the reef sanctuary evolves and flourishes it will become home and haven to numerous marine species. With the passing of time your loved one’s Solace Stone will become part of the reefs future growth and protection.

Their Solace Stone remains an enduring reminder to all, of their unique life, which has helped create this unique place.

No longer seen as an unconventional solution to a global problem, Artificial Reef Sanctuaries around the world are helping to create healthy environments where sea life can not only survive, but thrive again. Memorial Reefs are part of that change and have a huge role to play.

The Solace Reef, the first of its kind here in the UK will create an enduring living memorial for your loved one. Only a short boat ride, this unique site is located 3 miles to the east of Weymouth and Portland in the South West of England.

“Giving life, from a life lived…”

The package includes the following:

The cost of all materials and manufacture of your actual Solace Stone.
A bio-degradable ashes carrier.
An engraved granite plaque.
Transportation and placement of the Solace Stone and up to twelve family members out to the Solace Reef site.
Certificate of placement

The package can be tailored to suit your needs. More pictures below the contact form.

Total cost of the above £2800:00

For more details contact us:

Experiences from Australia 5: next to the Shiraz in the cellar

This is the last article in the series and was not with the others but was on the same theme, from the same paper and seemed to chime nicely.

“Lowen Partridge, daughter of the late Tom Partridge, a founding member of Adelaide’s Beefsteak and Burgundy club, and her family thought it only fitting that his ashes rest in his daughter Gretta’s cellar at Hawthorn.

“His will had always stated that he would be cremated but it didn’t state what would happen to his ashes so this was entirely our decision,” Lowen, of Stonyfell, said.

“He loved wine so much and had an extremely good palate, we thought it was the absolute perfect spot for him until we decided what to do with him long term.”

The family sees him often and sometimes goes down to the cellar to have a drink with him.

“It’s kind of nice to know that his remains are there,” Ms Partridge said.

It’s interesting that Ms Partridge does not see Dad next to the wine as a permanent fixture. Lots of people don’t want a permanent resting place straight away.

The other interesting part of the article was that it stated that 15-20 years ago about 70% of people who were cremated had their ashes stored at the cemetery compared with 47% now, a trend very similar to that in the UK.

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/national/ashes-scattered-far-and-wide-in-places-refecting-the-deceaseds-personality/story-fndo2izk-1226547343088

Experiences from Australia 4: Clay figurines

Full credit goes to Beverley Hadgraft the author of the original article in the Australian daily Telegraph.
In the original article there were four different voices from four different experiences I have put a link at the bottom if you wish to see the article in full. I have split it into four parts for people as each person has an entirely separate rationale and it also makes it easier to comment on and search for.

“I made clay figurines from both my parents’ ashes” Angelika Schenk, 62.

“My father Willhelm died at home with me. He was 95 and happy here but I knew his heart had always remained in his childhood home by the Baltic Sea in Poland, so I decided to return his ashes there.
“The problem was transporting them. I had to fly into Germany and their customs won’t accept ashes. An artist friend came up with a solution. We would mix the ashes with clay and make them into figurines. We worked out the right amount so the clay wouldn’t crumble during firing.

“I worried about what figurines to make but in the end my hands worked without me thinking about it. I made little ancient tribesmen, boats, huts and a mother goddess figure – all creating the story of the place my dad was from. I felt as if he was with me the whole time and it made me reflect about who he was and who I am as a result.

“I ended up taking the figures to a little museum in his home town. I told them they were my father’s clay figures relating the history of this place (I didn’t mention the clay had ashes in them – it was only a little amount after all). They were totally excited and the figures are now on display in a glass case.

“My family has since combined my mother’s ashes with clay to make angel figurines. We did it all of us together, around the kitchen table, talking about her the whole time. As each figurine was finished we put it on a shelf with candles and photographs of her. It was quite magical.”

Now that is novel, quite unlike the majority of stories about memorialisation that come our way. It would appear that this mostly came to pass by accident as it where. The family were keen to return their father to whence he came, much like the first experience – a sort full circle if you will. It was only due to the fact that travelling with them would be problematic that they decided to incorporate them into figurines. In the end the ashes have taken on a new guise, being in a museum and part of a shrine too – something very close and personal.

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/what-i-did-with-a-loved-ones-ashes/story-fnejo9jl-1226474398619

Experiences from Australia 3: Ashes carried in a Teddy Bear

“My son’s ashes were sewn into a teddy bear” – Ellie Dillmann, 67.

“My son David was 24 when he died. He’d been ill for a while. I left no stone unturned trying to help him, but in the end, I believe he simply lost the will to live.

“He was an organ donor, so in that sense after his death he was still alive and that was a blessing.
“We didn’t believe in funerals so I had David privately cremated, then planned a celebration of his life. However, I wasn’t sure what to do with his ashes.

“I went online looking for ideas and found The Eddy Bear Company. They made beautiful old-fashioned teddies and sewed the ashes inside. David had always loved hugging people and called himself ‘Big Bear’, so it seemed appropriate. I liked the idea of still being able to hug him, too, so I went to see the owner, Tracey.
“She personalised my bear, embroidering messages on his paws. One read: ‘Hold me close when you miss me most’ and the other: ‘David Big Bear. Our first teacher is our own heart.’

“I sat the bear on a stool for David’s celebration. It was a comfort to me then and remains so. I can pick him up, hold him and speak to him. Tracey told me she put her husband’s aftershave on hers so she could smell him too.

“When I’m going out, I say: ‘Come on, David, let’s go visiting,’ and he comes with me in the car, just as he always did.

“Everyone knows about the bear. ‘Here’s David,’ they say and they hug him as well, just as they always did.”

Perhaps I shouldn’t but I find this so sad. A mother has had her heart broken by the loss of her son. Putting ashes into Teddy bears is not uncommon, the company called Colourful Coffins sells such bears and I know they provide a great deal of comfort for many. Generally they tend to be mothers losing a child in birth or a young infant which is desperately sad. The lady’s son in this article was a young man. She makes the point that she doesn’t believe in funerals, although I am not sure what there is to believe in? The fact that she takes the teddy around with her maybe implies that she still feels the need to protect or care for her son in some way, and she certainly is not ready to ‘let go’. I am in no way anti this or critical, however there could be potential in letting others help her come to terms with the loss. However I don’t profess to be a bereavement counsellor so I will shut up.

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/what-i-did-with-a-loved-ones-ashes/story-fnejo9jl-1226474398619

Nazi war criminal’s body exhumed, cremated and buried at sea to hamper memorialisation

Rudolf Hess the one time deputy to Adolf Hitler has had is body exhumed, cremated and his ashes scattered at sea.

In Germany, the cemetery in the Bavarian town of Wunsiedel was becoming a centre of memorialisation for Hess and Nazism more widely. Fascists had held a yearly demonstration at the grave on the anniversary of his death on August 17, raising their hands in the Nazi salute and laying wreaths on his gravestone. So the Authorities answer was to remove Hess from his last resting place, cremating him and putting his remains in the sea – thus decoupling the place from the man and removing a focal point for memorialisation.

The same technique, to subdue memorialisation, was used with Osama Bin Laden’s remains earlier in the year. Interesting that they considered the sea, with its universality and distinct lack of ‘landmarks’ it would seem to make an ideal place to prevent focus around a point. However this theory is not always correct in fact paradoxically the reverse is happening at the same time with more and more people choosing to scatter ashes at sea. And in these cases I can’t imagine for one minute that those going to the trouble of hiring a boat and taking the ashes out to sea are doing so because they want to remember their loved one any less. So what is it about water and the sea specifically that create this dichotomy, I like to think those who are doing it for a positive reason are choosing so because of the characteristics around connectivity of water and it is ubiquitous nature, sort of – it is everywhere so that person is everywhere with me. For one who has had a long time love of the sea it does something (to me) that contemplation of no other medium or vista can do.

One final point is that some companies offering a scattering at sea service will present their customer with a certificate of the actual location, recorded by coordinates from a GPS system.

Remembrance Jewellery – a really unique way to memorialise

Getting the right connection between yourself and the persons that you loved is important, there is a a range of jewellery that either incorporates cremated ashes or allows you to put the ashes in a hollow container.

Here is someone we have found that does something a little different and we like it. To be fair it is a slight departure from all matters ashes and lies more in memorialisation. However, Rosie Weisencrantz does something very special – she create jewellery from momentous, memorabilia, keepsakes and old jewellery and creates something new, beautiful and precious. All of her pieces are bespoke and we think it is wonderful, here is one of hers..

Cremated ashes in a Memorial Tattoo!

This is a radical way of memorialising a loved one – putting cremated funeral ashes into ink, then having them tattooed somewhere on your person. The more we looked into this the more ‘common’ it actual is.

Despite the obvious heath implications it seems to be fairly popular in the United States.

The article below was from the Daily Mail last month…

A heartbroken mother whose 20-year-old son collapsed and died after taking party drug GHB has had his ashes tattooed into her skin in tribute to him.

Kim Mordue, 50, had her son Lloyd’s ashes mixed with ink, which was then carefully etched into three designs on her back.

The tattoo was done by Mrs Mordue’s husband David who runs his own parlour in Llanelli, South Wales.

Mrs Mordue said: ‘I’ve put Lloyd back where he started – he’s in my body again.

‘As soon as I knew it was possible I wanted to have the ashes tattoos as a tribute to Lloyd.’

The designs across Mrs Mordue’s back show a cabala tree, an angel releasing a butterfly and a poem dedicated to her son.

Mrs Mordue said: ‘I spent a long time researching the tattoos – they and Lloyd will be with me for the rest of my life.

‘Everyone has been very positive about my tattoos. My friends and family love it.

‘People have been quite excited by it and have said they’d like an ashes tattoo done too. I think it will catch on.’

The 50-year-old was left devastated when promising rugby player Lloyd collapsed on a night out.

An inquest into Lloyd’s death recorded a verdict of misadventure after hearing the 20-year-old had taken the party drug GHB.

Mrs Mordue also hopes the tattoo will highlight the dangers of drugs and the damage they inflict on society.

She said: ‘Losing a child to drugs really is the worst nightmare a parent can have. Drugs are a curse on society and a lot of parents can’t do anything about it.’