Who owns cremated ashes?
Who owns cremation ashes: You can’t own them
You can’t own them because the law says they are the same as the person or a body and person can’t be owned.
Who has the right to possess cremation ashes?
The right to possess the ashes is likely to be “the executor*, or whoever was at the charge of the funeral” or basically the person who signed the contract with the funeral director. This tends to be the bill payer – if you paid the bill the chances are you signed the contract. The Funeral Director will not be able to give you the ashes if you are not the person on the contract.
* not to be confused as the executor of the Will
Can a person do what they like once they have the ashes
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but from our understanding the answer is pretty much yes. They can choose to scatter, they don’t have to inform anyone, they don’t have to tell anyone where they have done it. If they bury then they would need to check with the plot owner
Harsh I know. So if you don’t have the ashes and you are not entitled to possess them and you would like some or all of them, then tread carefully. You can get a solicitor involved this often lead to expense and often makes matters worse – although in certain circumstances this may be the only option.
Lastly to make it absolutely clear – this is our opinion and is not legal opinion and should not be cited or considered as such.
Relevant Case Law
A human corpse
- In his Institutes of the Laws of England, mostly published in 1641, after his death, Sir Edward Coke wrote (3-203) that the “buriall of the Cadaver is nullius in bonis [in the goods of no one] and belongs to Ecclesiastical cognizance”. In his Commentaries on the Laws of England, published in 1765, Sir William Blackstone wrote (15th ed, 1809, Book II, Ch. 28, pp 428-9) that:
“…though the heir has a property in the monuments and escutcheons of his ancestors, yet he has none in their bodies or ashes; nor can he bring any civil action against such as indecently at least, if not impiously, violate and disturb their remains, when dead and buried. [But] if any one in taking up a dead body steals the shroud or other apparel, it will be felony; for the property thereof remains in the executor, or whoever was at the charge of the funeral.”
There were at least three reasons for the rule that a corpse was incapable of being owned. First, in that there could be no ownership of a human body when alive, why should death trigger ownership of it? Second, as implied by Coke and Blackstone, the body was the temple of the Holy Ghost and it would be sacrilegious to do other than to bury it and let it remain buried: see for example, In Re Estate of Johnson 7 NYS 2d 81 (Sur. Ct. 1938). Third, it was strongly in the interests of public health not to allow persons to make cross-claims to the ownership of a corpse: in the words of Higgins J in his dissenting judgment in Doodeward v. Spence in the High Court of Australia, (1908) 6 CLR 406, there was an “imperious necessity for speedy burial”.
- Hence the decision of Kay J in Williams v. Williams [1882] 20 Ch D 659. By codicil to his will the deceased directed that his executors should give his body to Miss Williams; and by letter he requested her to cremate his body under a pile of wood, to place the ashes into a specified Wedgwood vase and to claim her expenses from his executors. After the body had been buried at the direction of the executors, Miss Williams therefore caused it to be dug up and (because cremation was not lawful in Britain until 1902) it was sent to Milan and cremated; and she caused the ashes to be placed into the vase. Then she claimed her expenses from the executors. Kay J dismissed her claim. He held that there was no property in the corpse; that therefore a person could not dispose of his body by will; and that Miss Williams therefore had no right to cause it to be dug up and taken abroad for cremation.
- It is well recognised that in the twentieth century the High Court of the Commonwealth of Australia has made a vast contribution to the development of the common law. But its authority was to reverberate in an area perhaps nowhere more surprising than that which was the subject of its decision in Doodeward cited above. The body of a still-born two-headed baby was preserved in spirits by the doctor who had been attending its mother; upon the doctor’s death it was sold and later came into the possession of C, who exhibited it for profit as a curiosity. D, a police officer, seized it with a view to its burial. C’s action for detinue succeeded. Griffith CJ said:
“[W]hen a person has by the lawful exercise of work or skill so dealt with a human body or part of a human body in his lawful possession that it has acquired some attributes differentiating it from a mere corpse awaiting burial, he acquires a right to retain possession of it …”
Although evidently disgusted by C’s exhibition of a “dead-born foetal monster”, Barton J agreed. Higgins J dissented on the footing that there could be no ownership of a human corpse.
Parts of a human corpse
- In relation to parts of a human corpse our courts have recently built upon the exception, recognised in Doodeward, to the principle that there can be no ownership of a human corpse.
- First there was the decision of this court in Dobson v. North Tyneside Health Authority and Another [1997] 1 WLR 596. In carrying out a post mortem examination on a woman who had died of a brain tumour a pathologist removed her brain and fixed it in paraffin, pending a possible further examination of it which in fact was never conducted. It was delivered to D2’s hospital for storage. The rest of the woman’s body was buried. Two years later the next of kin sought to examine the brain for the purpose of securing evidence supportive of their action in negligence against D1. The brain could not be found so they sued D2 for having destroyed or mislaid it. Their appeal against the striking out of their action against D2 was dismissed. In giving the only substantive judgment Peter Gibson LJ held, at 600H – 602A, that the decision in Doodeward was (at least arguably) correct; that, however, the fixing of the brain in paraffin had not been on a par with preserving it for future use as a commercial exhibit; that it had not been necessary for the pathologist to have continued to preserve the brain at any rate following the inquest; and that it had never become the “property” of the next of kin or something of which they were otherwise entitled to possession.
- The issue was also addressed in the Court of Appeal, Criminal Division, in R v. Kelly and Lindsay [1999] QB 621. The defendants appealed against their conviction (and sentence) for theft of human body parts which had been preserved or fixed and had come into the possession of the Royal College of Surgeons, by which they had been used in training surgeons. Their appeals against conviction, founded upon a submission that body parts could not be property and thus the subject of theft, were dismissed. In giving the judgment of the court Rose LJ said in a valuable passage at 630G – 631E:
“We accept that, however questionable the historical origins of the principle, it has now been the common law for 150 years at least that neither a corpse nor parts of a corpse are in themselves and without more capable of being property protected by rights: see, for example, Erle J., delivering the judgment of a powerful Court for Crown Cases Reserved in Reg. v. Sharpe (1857) Dears. & B. 160, 163 …
If that principle is now to be changed, in our view, it must be by Parliament, because it has been express or implicit in all the subsequent authorities and writings to which we have been referred that a corpse or part of it cannot be stolen.
…[But] parts of a corpse are capable of being property within section 4 of the Theft Act 1968 if they have acquired different attributes by virtue of the application of skill, such as dissection or preservation techniques, for exhibition or teaching purposes: see Doodeward … and Dobson … where this proposition is not dissented from and appears … to have been accepted by Peter Gibson L.J.; otherwise, his analysis of the facts of Dobson’s case … would have been, as it seems to us, otiose …
Furthermore, the common law does not stand still. It may be that if, on some future occasion, the question arises, the courts will hold that human body parts are capable of being property for the purposes of section 4, even without the acquisition of different attributes, if they have a use or significance beyond their mere existence. This may be so if, for example, they are intended for use in an organ transplant operation, for the extraction of DNA or, for that matter, as an exhibit in a trial. It is to be noted that in Dobson’s case, there was no legal or other requirement for the brain, which was then the subject of litigation, to be preserved …”
England and Wales Court of Appeal (Civil Division) Decisions
B e f o r e :
LORD JUDGE, LORD CHIEF JUSTICE OF ENGLAND AND WALES
SIR ANTHONY CLARKE, MASTER OF THE ROLLS
and
LORD JUSTICE WILSON
____________________
Between:
JONATHAN YEARWORTH and others Appellants
– and –
NORTH BRISTOL NHS TRUST Respondent
____________________
Hearing dates: 24 and 25 November 2008
Hi Richard.
My step daughter (24) passed away last March. I have been trying for months to get ashes for my husband and her siblings on our side of the family. She used to respond, but now has ghosted me. It is on record that my husband was her biological father. Do we have any rights or options in getting some of her ashes? We live in Ohio. When everything happened, we offered to help with whatever she needed, but she never asked or told us any of the costs associated with the cremation or funeral home viewing. I’ve tried looking online, but can’t seem to find out what our rights are to the ashes.
Hi Jessica
I am sorry to hear of your situation. As you may have read we are not lawyers and are based in the UK so this only an opinion. Sadly, I don’t think you are in a very strong position. There is no compunction to share ashes and the decision maker in this context it would appear is your husbands’ ex partner. These situations often rely of on goodwill which is often missing with couples that have separated, this is exacerbated when it is the loss of a child as the parents ability to cope and confront the situation is not there. It might be that the reason that she is ghosting you is that she is not ready to deal with the loss and the more you persist the more resistance you will meet. Painful as it might be the best plan may be to give her time to deal with the situation and try again at a point in the future.
I hope your family finds peace .
Kind regards
Richard
I’m so sorry … I feel your pain. …been through a similar situation … I hope everything turned out for you guys. Let me know please
In search of advice! I am the ex wife of our loved one that left us. He left behind two daughters. Their grandmother, I was told, is next of kin because the girls are minors. She included us in the funeral planning, as I was the one paying for everything because she lives in a trailer and abuses drugs. But thats besides the point. She notified her granddaughter that she picked up his remains but has ghosted us and her since. Wont reply to texts or answer calls. I have purchased the niche for resting placement but with no response, I am not able to set a funeral date. She is not even allowing them the closure they need.
Is there anything I can do to help my daughters legally? because civil does not seem to be in her vocabulary.
Hi Rebecca
I am sorry to hear this. Truly sad.
Two things, you may have some rights – if you paid, did you sign the paperwork? If so then it may be easier, if not then legal intervention such as a lawyers letter may assist, however it may not and may cause more issues.
However, and please understand I am not taking your Ex Mother in law’s side, from you brief description it sounds as if she struggles with life, then she lost her son – which is arguably life’s worst tragedy – so she may have turned inwards and be struggling even more. I am not saying this is right or fair, but it may be the reason. Or she may just be an awful person? Are you able connect through a friend or relative. Often the softly softly yields more results although takes longer and may seem unfair.
I hope you and the children find peace.
Kind regards
Richard
hi Richard,my brother died on the 6-1-21,it was a private funeral where none of our family could go to.
The cremation was performed by the co-op, and the Executor must have paid for his cremation. After the cremation ,this person took his ashes home with her, I’m presuming it was his wife’s sister, the only way I can get to find out for definite who took the ashes home is to go through a solicitor, what are my rights on this as I’m now the eldest of the family .
Hi Keith
I would ask if they would tell you through Freedom of Information, you could also write to someone senior in company to see if that gets any results. However whilst you may be the oldest in the family you don’t mention you are next of kin. A lawyer may be the most expedient way but I appreciate that there is a cost. And once you know it may not mean that you have access to the ashes.
Sorry – appreciate that this is not good news.
Regards
Richard
Hi Richard,
My husband passed away in Mexico, his sister took care of the arrangements for cremation and I sent her money to do so. Everything there was a few bumps in the process, my step daughter interfered and the morgue wouldn’t release the remains. After paying more money we were able to get his ashes to US spill and hold his memorial service . A month down the road we discovered that there are 2 urns,his sister, niece and daughter claim they normally only give half of the ashes so they paid extra to get the remainder on a separate urn. My husband wasn’t a big man and both urns are heavy. I was able to take possession of both urns ( I believe it’s 2 different bodies) and his niece won’t give me any of the documents or death certificate. It was my money, his sister signed , she has absolutely no reason to keep the documents or is she even considered next of kin. It’s a soap opera story, but is there anything I can do to get that paperwork or will I be in legal problems for having 2 urns without documentation, where both living in the U.S, is there anything I can do? Please advise.
Oh Karina – this sounds awful!
I can’t remember seeing a situation as convoluted as this for ages! This is so far from my comfort zone, I think you should be able to recover the documents as they should be your morally and probably legally yours, I’m hoping you have any correspondence to back you up. There are lawyers that will help you, however I would see if they do a free consultation first and what the total cost would be.
It does sound like you have two people, the splitting ashes story sounds like a load of nonsense – ashes weigh around 3kg so if the combined weight is around 6kg then I would be concerned you have the remains an extra person…
So maybe
1/ write and set out the situation to them telling them what you need, that you need resolution and that it would be best for all the solicitors weren’t involved (this is the quickest and cheapest option although perhaps not likely work)
2/ third party intermediary eg family member on good terms with the sister
2/ Consult a solicitor
I hope you find peace.
Kind regards
Richard
my wife was cremated and a friend kept the ashes for me for about a week because i was not emotionally ready to bring her home yet. by the time i was ready, said friend pulled a female on me and now won’t talk to me or bring the ashes back. what to do?
It doesn’t sound as if she has any right to them at all, you may wish to consider contacting a solicitor who can write requesting them back. I appreciate this will probably entail cost though.
Kind regards
Richard
My mother died as a result of a car crash, being driven by her partner of 14years. As yet, after 4 months no decision as to who caused the accident has been made by Police.
Her partner arranged everything including funeral and her family were given no opportunity to be involved in the planning or ceremony. Now he is lying about where her ashes are, letting my daughters believe they have already been interred. The crematorium will not advise when this is going to happen, under his instructions although my mother always told everyone that she would be laid to rest with my father. What can I do ?
Dear Susan
This is very difficult, If your mother expressed her wishes in a will or other written form you may have some recourse although that is unlikely, a legal company may take this on for you but be minded this could be expensive and still not give you the result you wanted.
Kind regards
Richard
My daughter was not told of her fathers death has she has any rights to his ashes his brother who may have them will not talk to us
Dear Pauline
As you may have seen from reading the above, it is tricky. If her uncle organised the funeral and everything was in order then sadly possibly not. If she is determined she may wish to contact a solicitor but it may proved expensive ad fruitless.
Kind regards
Richard
I’m going through the same situation as my father’s ashes. I was there with my uncle at the time of the arrangements but, my uncle change the arrangements without my knowledge. I wanted my dad’s ashes to be close to me and now my uncle is wanting to bury his ashes next to my grandmother and my father never agreed to be cremated. I’m his only daughter and my uncle is attempting to do everything possible so I would not have any idea. Is there any way to change this situation before next month ?
Hi Jennieke
You are his next of kin by the sound of it. I would suggest contacting a solicitor as time is of the essence as once these things are done it is very difficult to undo them – https://www.shoosmiths.co.uk/ have a good handle on this worth contacting them to see what your options are.
Hope all goes well
Kind regards
Richard
My 2 sons father had died a few years ago and was not given the ashes from his cremation even they are the only 2 blood children from my former husband. I understand that the new wife was the one to receive them. What can we do to get the boys their last memory of their father?
Dear Sharon. This is a very common occurrence. As she is entitled to hold onto the ashes, the only route is to enter into some form of dialogue with their stepmother to see if a compromise could be receached.
I hope this works out okay
Regards
Rich
This is in regards to a close friend.
His father passed away and his mother had payed for the funeral arrangements and has the death and cremation certificate. Unfortunately after splitting ashes with a family member they buried him in there own plot and have caused major family issues over it. To the extent of hiding the plot and not informing any family members. We found the plot but have now been told that they cannot leave any sentimental ornaments letters ect. Yet his father never wanted to be buried.
With his mother having the relevant death and cremation certificates can she request a move of remains from there plot to another ?
Hi Brad
So the ashes your friend’s father’s ashes were split, with a section of the ashes going to a third party (let’s call them Holder X). When they were given to Holder X presumably there was nothing explicit to say what could be done with them. Then Holder X went to to bury them in holder X’s family plot.
I suspect that having the ashes exhumed would be difficult as once the ashes were handed over it is not the choice of your friend’s mother as to what to do with them. I suspect it is not relevant or not whether the father wanted to be buried, nor that your friend’s mother has any paperwork.
Whether you friend chooses to visit the place is up to them, as to what can be left there is policy of the cemetery, it still doesn’t stop them visiting and memorialising.
I am also wondering what happened to the ashes that were retained, are these somewhere that can be visited? Could your friend not choose another location to focus their memorialisation there?
So in summary, I suspect there is nothing that can be done, although should they choose, a lawyer would give you a more solid opinion.
My stepfather (who has been the only father I have known since 1 month of age) died 3 weeks ago. I have never referred to him as a stepfather nor has he ever referred to me as a stepdaughter.
He had been suffering from Dementia for the past 6 years. In the past 2 years my sister (his biological child) took over his day-to-day care while I supported his needs financially. She lived in the same city, while I had moved away years ago, so this was the most logical arrangement. I share all of this just to give you the background information you need to understand the situation.
He died without a Will. My sister and I knew he wanted to be cremated and buried with or have his ashes scattered on his mother’s grave. When he died, my sister waited 2 days to tell me so that she could go to the funeral home and sign off on everything. I live in another state and depended on her for updates.
When I asked my sister for some of his ashes to keep in a keepsake she refused. When I asked her to do an obituary for our father, she refused. So, I did an obituary. I contacted our family members. I held a ZOOM memorial for him. She wanted no parts. She took his insurance money, paid the least amount she could get away with at the funeral home, and asked for his ashes to be bagged up! The funeral home was so disturbed by her behavior that they called and offered me some of his ashes. They knew I had celebrated his life as a biological child would do.
My question is am I wrong for accepting my father’s ashes when my sister didn’t want to share them? Is there legal recourse she can bring against myself and/or the funeral home? Your advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Hi Eve
It sounds are morally you are completely in the right and have done the right thing by you father. It is very unusual for a funeral home to take such action, but very compassionate by the sounds of it. We can’t offer any legal advice as such and we operate in the UK so US law is likely to be different.
They may get into trouble if there actions have been declared, she could sue them for breach of contact I would think, and the US is much more litigious than here. Have the funeral home told your sister what they intend to / would like to do? If not how would she know that you had some of the ashes? Obviously we can’t be seen to be condoning this – but some may think ignorance is sometime bliss, but that is not for me to say….
I hope it all works for you
Kind regards
Richard
Hi, I didn’t know what to do with my fathers , my mothers and my aunt who lived with us, ashes, so I kept them after cremation, as I was in quite some grief in all cases, I did all funeral arrangements in all cases to, I have no siblings. I went to Thailand with my family to live and may be settle there and asked my 38 year old son to look after the ashes while I was away , well , it didn’t work out for us and we returned, on returning my son and I fell out over a trivial matter , he now won’t give the ashes back, but did say he would arrange for his mother in law to give them back to me , but now doesn’t reply to any of my texts, do I have any case or right to get them back ..
Dear Mark
Yes you probably do have a case, although this would need to be handled by a solicitor and obviously there would be an expense. A cheaper and more effective way is trying to get third party mediation, but it may have gone past that point. I hope it works out well for you.
Kind regards
Richard
Hi, my friend’s son commited suicide 3 weeks ago at the age of 24. This was in most part because his girlfriend of 2 years had made him become fully estranged from his family and made him cut all ties to the point of not allowing him to look across the street at his mother or brothers. He had a child with her a couple of months ago and it is believed that not allowing his mother to see her grandchild was a contributing factor to the suicide.
The coronor has released the body to the girlfriend because there is a child and the girlfriend intends to have a private funeral and scatter Ashes where she sees fit. The family have tried a conciliatory approach offering to pay towards the funeral (he left no assets, only debts) and requested some involvement. This has been wholeheartedly rejected.
The mother is at her wits end as it is tragic that a mother cannot bury her own son just because he dies intestate, was unmarried but leaves a son.
Is there anything she can do at all?
Dear John
Sorry for the late reply, this sounds awful. It is a very difficult issue. In such cases, as you have tired the conciliatory approach, I would suggest speaking to a lawyer, some lawyers offer and initial consultation for free to see if anything can be done. We have passed people to Shoosmith in the past https://www.shoosmiths.co.uk/
I hope your friend finds some peace.
Regards
Richard
My brother passed away in January. My sister in law has since stopped talking to my sister and I, his only siblings. She told us as the funeral arrangements were being made that we could have some of his ashes. The day of the wake/viewing she told us that she would have to mail them to us. She has never done so. Her reply “There is nothing for you.” The burial of his ashes is going to be April 9th. When our mother passed away in 2007, my brother felt very strongly that we should all have some of her ashes. Therefore I believe he would want the same with his ashes. Is there anything we can do to get some of his ashes?
Dear Michelle. I am sorry to hear this. Sorry I have been a away and just seen this. Sadly there is very little that can be done in such circumstances. You could ask a solicitor to write on your behalf but often this inflames the situation. Your sister in law might inform you of the location so you can pay your respects, but unfortunately the law isn’t on your side in this matter. Sorry.
Kind regards
Richard
My brother passed in October my brother had a will labeling his executor to be my second cousin she never stepped in my father executed everything he denied me and my mother any Ashes to my brother now only two months later my father has committed suicide my cousin is refusing to allow me to be a part of anything although she is the executor does she still have rights to my Brothers ashes
Dear Jody
This sounds like a very difficult and traumatic situation. I can’t say with any certainty what the legal situation would be, so I will email you a couple of suggestions for legal companies that have expertise in this area.
Regards
Richard
Hello my name is Ann my daughter passed away 4yrs ago and was cremated I was planning to bury her ashes with my mum. My enquiry is a friend was looking after her ashes for me. On Saturday she sent me a message telling me she has scattered the ashes in the sea against my permission is there any thing I can do about this as this has left me heartbroken al l over again.
Dear Ann
How very sad, that is awful. There is I would think there is very little you can do, certainly nothing about the ashes themselves. I am guessing you were wondering if if there is punitive action that you could take against your friend. It might be possible to bring a civil case against that person, depending whether you can prove they acted against your wishes and they were only holding the ashes in trust, even then you may get nowhere. I do know it will be expensive and cause more heartache. We can recommend some solicitors if that would help. I am sorry I can’t be more positive.
Best wishes
Richard
My father passed away and the executor (my uncle,his brother) has his ashes….I am his nxt of kin his oldest daughters…my uncle has given some ashes to my sisters who haven’t seen my father in 50 yrs…can I do anything about this,it was my uncle who signed the funeral arrangements
Dear Karen
I just want to be sure I am answering the right question. Can you prevent your uncle from giving some of your father’s ashes to your siblings? I would think the answer is no you can’t, you may find a lawyer that would take this up for you, but I suspect you could end up spending a lot of money getting nowhere.
As the executor of the will, he was made the person responsible by your father to see to your father’s estate, and as applicant for the funeral he had the right to collect the ashes. I presume you have spoken to him and explained why you are unhappy with his decision? If you have and he has still chosen this route I am not much sure much can done about it. Very sorry.
Regards
Richard
My father passed away and just two weeks before his death I asked him what he wanted me to do with his body. He said he wanted to be cremated and his ashes spread in a lake we camped at every year. My father was single had no spouse. No body knew what he wanted except him and I , period. When my father died I had to make all the decisions for his cremation and estates. After he was cremated my had a in memory of my father’s life at a church with his ashes and invited all friends and family. Well I was given an urn with a little bit of his ashes and my uncle kept the rest of his ashes. It is my duty to do as my father asked of him upon his death. Legally can my uncle keep my dad’s ashes. I am next of kin.
Dear Yanna
You would need to seek correct legal advice from a law firm that deals with disputes of wills and probate. It is likely that they would carry out an initial consultation free of charge to see whether you had a case. However, one question? Whilst you may be the next of kin, were you the applicant for the funeral and the cremation, because the Funeral Director/ Crematorium are only allowed to pass the ashes to the applicant, if that was you, then the funeral director should not have given the ashes to anyone else.
Regards
Richard
Yes I was the Authorization and disposition for cremation.
Then it would follow, you have the right to possess the ashes,but again you would need appropriate legal advice. Have you taken this up with the funeral director? Note: I am speaking from a UK perspective.
I have not taken it up with the funeral director. I haven’t been close with my family and I’ve been trying to not cause any problems between any of us. But I can’t keep just letting my uncle keep my dad’s ashes May 26th 2018 will be a year since my dad’s passing. And Im still having difficulty accepting his death. I can’t move forward and I need closure and that’s why I’m taking action to get his ashes back so I can put him where he asked me to put him. Thank you for your advice it will help me to further my father’s request upon his death. I will seek further information as you advised also from a legal stand.
My sister died in Michigan my niece had power of attorney over her at the time of death and had her cremated without any of her next of kin knowing about her death we found out about it a month after she was cremated she never told anyone is there anything we can do to her for this awful act
Dear Raymond this does sound awful. I suspect your options are fairly limited and it depends what you were hoping to do. If she had the right to cremate and collect the ashes I would think from the description above that she has the right to dispose, however are not lawyers and might be worth speaking to one to see if they think anything can be done, although I suspect this may be fairly limited -sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Regards
Richard
My father died suddenly in dec and lost my aunt 7 weeks later after a short battle with cancer at the time i didn’t want my dads ashes as it was too soon for me, so my aunt had them. After her passing there was a feud in family resulting in me not being able to have his ashes. They are wanting to bury the ashes of both together on Wednesday, but I want my father back can they bury his ashes without my consent? Even though I was my fathers next of kin and it’s against my wishes ??
Sarah this is dreadful and I am sure very traumatic, it is also complex legally way outside of my knowledge. You would need to seek immediate legal advice to see if there is a possibility of serving an injunction. I don’t know the chances of this being successful, but you would need to act straight away. You should do an internet search along the lines of will disputes contentious probate solicitors. I wish you all the best.
When my father died I took my mother and sister to a place in Suffolk and we opened a bottle of Champagne toasted to my fathers life and our love of him and then my mother scattered his ashes – this was a very humbling episode in my life as my father was a great individual and I loved him dearly. My father was ill for some time 3 years but when we knew his passing was imminent my sister and husband decided to take a cheap last minute holiday.
Sadly my father went into a respiratory arrest whilst my sister and husband were on holiday and passed away.
My mother passed away in 2016 after a long battle with cancer. When we were informed of her condition i.e. days to live my sister and her husband decided to take a holiday to Portugal and unfortunately myself and my son were with her when she passed away – in fact I was holding her when she left us.
I asked my sister a number of times over many months what we were going to do with her ashes but she did not reply to me. Then the bombshell came – she decided to go to Suffolk with her daughter (my neice) and scattered the ashes without inviting me or my family because she does not like us and our success.
This is very disturbing as you only have one mother and I have been deprived of saying goodbye to her remains!
At least I was with my mother and father when they left us but I do not understand and find it difficult to cope to terms with the evil of my sister. Actually even the vicar who undertook my Mothers service looked upon this act as evil but it is difficult to explain.
I am sorry to hear this, it sounds awful. It is very sad when scattering someones ashes increases divisions within a family. I am glad that you were there for your parents at such an important time. I hope time will help to heal and thank you for sharing.