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scattering ashes kept

He who pays the piper – gets the ashes

This is an extreme example of a fairly common problem. A young mother of 24 has been left heartbroken. As she is not able to receive the ashes of her child. She lost her child to cot death at 9 weeks, her controlling and abusive ex-partner who has since been sent to prison nine on charges of assault.

The problem is, he arranged the funeral and signed the paperwork so legally the ashes can only be given to him (or his family) and he is using this fact as another mechanism to control and bully her.

As an aside and to perhaps give a measure of his character he also banned her family from attending and played gangsta rap at the ceremony (nice).

When she found out she could not receive the ashes, She said: ‘I didn’t stop crying all day when I found out. It’s devastating.

‘It felt like a bomb had hit me and exploded. Getting her back was my only chance of comfort and now this happens.’, adding: ‘He even stopped me speaking to my family. It broke me.’

Lorri Turner, senior manager at Adam & Greenwood Funeral Home, where the funeral took place, said he sympathised with Miss Turner but had no choice.

Mr Turner said: ‘Legally, we can only release the ashes to the individual who applied for cremation – in this case the father – or someone appointed by them through appropriate written consent.

There you have it. The law is such a blunt tool sometimes, and I am not sure what the lesson is here, nevertheless a very sad state of affairs.

2 thoughts on “He who pays the piper – gets the ashes

  1. Reply
    Elaine Pimm - 21st November 2018

    I am the deed owner abd my brother wantrd to be put down with our mothe he was only 49 all his brother and sisters asked his wife if this was ok she didt want to pay ouf for new grave. This was 35 years ago now she trying to get her son to dig them up he is bullying members of the you gef genefation to sign papers thibk he will forge his fathers signature. Distressed.

    1. Reply
      Richard Martin - 22nd November 2018

      Dear Elaine

      I think I understand what you are saying. This does sound very distressing, obviously falsining paper is a criminal offense. However I would speak to a solicitor to we work with two companies: Bircham Dyson Bell and Shoesmiths have a chat with them first.


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