Lockdown has caused so many problems for so many people, one of the worst hit are the bereaved. Not only have they lost someone they love, but they had to suffer the trauma of severely restricted funeral.
Not being allowed to say ‘goodbye’ in the way you wish can hurt and not just at the time but in the future too, we have had families saying that due to tensions the funeral was the only place that ‘olive branches’ would have been extended. We have some saying that funerals are the only time they see extended family. And other just in tears because they felt they let their loved down in some way.
Now the act of scatting ashes will not change what happened, but it might make allow memorialising, remembering, and celebrating that life more meaningful and help the bereavement process.
So you have the ashes, but you may feel you are stuck in limbo without the support of the funeral director and without long held traditions and customers to rely on. Do not let this hold you back. With planning and thought regarding your scattering ceremony, you turn the difficult memory of the funeral into a truly meaningful reflection and celebration. You are not restricted by – time; who says what; how you do things; numbers can be more easily accommodated (when things return to ‘normal’ ). And you will have a choice of location more strongly associated with their life than the church or the crematoria.
Hear is some good simple advice that we have put together over the years:
- Don’t rush, some people may put pressure on you to ‘get it done’ you don’t have to listen – you will know when it is right. It might be a week, a month, a year or more…
- Think about the location carefully – do you want to go back there? Or will others want to follow and be scattered there – will they be allowed to/ would they wish to? If it is on private land you will need to ask permission.
- If you are comfortable and there is a need split them then do it, some people may want to memorialise in their own way or have a place that they associate more with that person. There is no law against it, and you may want to keep just a little back for a keepsake or memento eg ashes jewellery
- Tie it in with an event or anniversary, such as a birthday or the date they died. It helps with continuity.
- Record it, might spend obvious but it tends to be forgotten and only when the grandchild asks where was granddad scattered and why, that everyone looks at one another in a slightly mystified expression you realised ‘umm, should have written that down’
Here is a our page on help and advice
In summary, with thought, planning and a little care you can celebrate your loved one’s life.